Posts Tagged ‘Joy’
Mindfulness for the holiday season: Christmas and the New Year
December is a time of year in which our sensations can be easily bombarded. It’s easy to get stressed about Christmas shopping, overcrowded malls, travel plans, holiday parties, familial obligations, and in some cases, snowstorms. The practice of being mindful is the intentional practice of focusing attention on one thing. Focused attention calms and settles the mind, and circumvents the rat race of disorganized, divided, and unfocused attention. It is a way to come back to the current moment and show up for everything the moment has to offer.
Here are three different ways of being mindful this holiday season:
Five minutes of breathing:
Sit quietly for five minutes and focus on the rise and fall of your breath. Every time you notice your mind wandering or your attention scattered, bring your attention back to the rise and fall of your breath. This may be a useful exercise to do after driving in bad traffic, being in a crowd, or after coming home from work.
Savor sensation: Take a few moments to take in the entire experience of the following:
- The taste of peppermint. Do you really taste peppermint when you eat it?
- Do you ever notice how the air changes as it grows colder? Try figuring out how the air smells or tastes. I’ve noticed the winter air to be crisp, bitter, biting, heavy, cold, damp, salty, and even woody.
- Pay attention to tastes and smells that you enjoy- in other words, don’t pass them up or take them for granted when you notice them.
Show up for the moment…even if the moment brings pain
Sometimes people experience a great deal of sadness during the holidays: Spending holidays alone, spending a “first” holiday after losing a loved one during the year, or being reminded of recent losses or relationships ruptures.
If sadness is part of your holiday, consider:
- Reflecting on what is important and meaningful
- Allowing yourself to grieve deeply and fully, to cry openly, to acknowledge everything you experience with your heart wide open
- Honor what has been lost
- Be gentle and tender with yourself
Singing, carols, generosity of spirit, pageants, and performances can move people deeply. If joy is part of your holiday
- allow yourself to be moved to tears
- fully experience, absorb, take in, and reflect on what you have
- share with others what you appreciate or love
- allow for the positive
- recognize times in your life in which things have been difficult- and how different they are for you now.
Wishing you a holiday in which your experiences are rich and meaningful- I will be back at my blog posting in 2012!
Posted in Mindfulness | 
Tags: Christmas, Emotion, grief, Holidays, Joy, Meaning, Mindfulness, Openness, Sensation | 
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Autumn mindfulness
This week for mindfulness I am asking my participants to look at a leaf as if they have never seen it before. The instructions include observing the leaf carefully, looking closely at its color, breathing in its earthy leaf-smell, and paying attention to its texture.
The leaves of autumn come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some have bright colors and some have unusual patterns. Some have holes, rips, or tears. Some have started to turn brown and some have black spots on them. Some are wet and slimy and others are brittle and crunchy. Some are visually appealing and some are less appealing to look at.
Mindfulness is about being able to observe what is in front of us, without dismissing or evaluating, without throwing away or ignoring, and without inhibiting or suppressing. Sometimes what we observe is not pleasant. Sometimes we do not like what we observe, or we wish for things to be different. Sometimes we see what others are holding, or observing, or turning over in their palm- and we wish that our leaves were as exciting or pretty.
When we look carefully at the details of an autumn leaf, we start to see things that we haven’t bothered to see. Perhaps we are fascinated by the tiny detail of texture. Perhaps we are struck by the brilliance in color. Perhaps a mottled pattern draws us. Perhaps we notice liking, or not liking, or irritation, or impatience. Perhaps we notice jealousy.
When we can see what is in front of us- reality as it is on its own terms- we can give it our full attention. When we can give it our attention, we can start to get our minds around it. We can go through the necessary- even if painful- steps of what it is going to take to move through it instead of around it. We stop avoiding. We may start to see things not seen before. We increase awareness. We have new information- even if it is clarity about our own emotions.
Look carefully this week at things you don’t want to see. See if you can notice, gently, with willingness and awareness, the things that are easier to ignore or avoid. Allow for this to be.
Posted in Mindfulness | Tags: Acceptance, Autumn, Holidays, Joy, Mindfulness, willingness | Comments Closed
Anxiety, awareness, looking, and seeing
When our anxiety controls our attention, our attention becomes narrowed and constricted. We hone in on what is threatening- and often become pre-occupied with getting rid of our anxiety. We simply don’t want to feel as anxious as we actually feel!
When our anxiety controls our attention, our brains often shut down certain aspects of experience. We have difficulty seeing what else is there.
As long as we can prevent ourselves from looking, we can avoid things that make us anxious. Often when we avoid what makes us anxious, we don’t have to come to terms with sadness, loss, or pain.
We actively avoid talking about certain subjects. We avoid conflict, emotions, and people. We fill silence with awkward chatter and exit the room if the intensity becomes intolerable. We avoid eye contact. We make up platitudes that aren’t true to what we are thinking or feeling at all.
Mindful practice enables us to pay attention to aspects of our experience that we simply don’t want to pay attention to. When we pay attention- with openness and curiosity- we can start to get our minds around the places that our anxiety tries to control.
It is the acknowledgement that sets us free. When we are open to this anxiety, this pain, this discomfort, this awkward moment, this silence- we can bear with it. We can receive, acknowledge, and understand. We can accept it and know it for what it is. “It” loses its power over our frenetic actions.
When we willingly re-direct our attention to that which evokes anxiety- we start to see what is in front of us. We no longer have to avoid people, places, subjects, or topics of conversation- because we acknowledge them. We recognize when others change- and when they don’t change- and the impact it has on us.
When we are vulnerable and receptive, we are moved and touched and influenced by the world around us. We might get hurt. We may need to get up and brush ourselves off. But we participate in life and we take risks.
We live as if we are alive.
Posted in Distress Tolerance | Tags: Acceptance, anxiety, Change, Exposure, grief, Joy, Loss, Mindfulness, Openness, Understanding emotion | 1 Comment »
Taking emotional risks
I am currently participating in a research training on Functional Analytic Psychotherapy in which I am being asked to take an emotional risk on a daily basis. An emotional risk is a relationship risk “in the realm of increasing contact with your experience of your heart, feelings, spirit, or self.” Those of us participating in the study are being asked to share our experiences of taking risks with each other.
When we take emotional risks we do things that are scary. We “put ourselves out there.” We do things to expand our awareness, to push against our tolerance of what is “safe”, and to expand ourselves in a way that creates openness and energy. Matters of the heart become more visible. We may have a direct conversation about something that is intimidating. We may do something that we would prefer to avoid. We may do what we think is “right” and “wise” despite being downright scary. We may also put ourselves out there by taking an emotional risk, and other people may not respond in a way that we anticipate or expect.
Taking emotional risks is a big part of finding meaning, expressing appreciation, being direct, and making the time to value our relationships.
What types of emotional risks might you take this week?
Finding joy this holiday season…Yeah, right…
Creating positive life experiences is critical if you are down, depressed, unhappy, and without joy. This generally involves a few steps- a necessary first one includes making the time for pleasant events. This means actively seeking out what is desired, what matters, and what is important. But creating positive life experiences is more than just looking for positive life experiences. It also means being willing to absorb, receive, feel, and benefit from them once they show up.
Here is a list of not-so-un-common factors that can really get in the way of experiencing joy:
*Thinking or believing that if you express joy, contentment, or happiness people will think that you “don’t have anything to be upset about”, thus making your pain invalid; or that people won’t “get it” if you show contentment/ receive comfort.
*Thinking or believing that you don’t deserve happiness, contentment, or joy.
*Minimizing, attacking, or downplaying small moments of happiness, joy, or contentment (“This is trite/boring/dumb”).
*Becoming critical, judging yourself, or constantly comparing yourself to others to who have what you want.
*Thinking or believing that you were born with innate or problematic characteristics (You don’t get to have positive experiences because there is something fundamentally wrong with you).
*Minimizing or downplaying what you like, what you want, or what you experience.
*Avoiding letting people know what you like/want so they won’t “get you”, expect things from you, or have the option of getting close to you
*Hypervigilance for the next “bomb” that’s going to drop
*Avoiding happy people at all costs because it highlights the fact that you are missing out big time.
Looking for joy in the moment is a skill that takes practice, time, commitment, and in some cases, quite a bit of effort. It involves your participation in the fullest way possible. It’s about jumping in, taking risks, expressing curiosity, showing up, and being alive.
Sometimes it means letting go of what gets in the way of joy, and sometimes that involves risk.