What is mindfulness?
Pulling Taffy
When emotions are in control there is a tendency to get caught up, sort of speak, in the waves of turmoil. I have the image of taffy being pulled in a candy shop- going this way and that way without a sense of center or direction.
When caught up in emotional chaos, people may behave in out-of-control ways. While this may be a legitimate attempt to control the environment or emotions, sometimes behaving in out-of-control ways leads to shame and embarrassment- and can make problems worse, not better. And sometimes this reinforces the belief that a person isn’t in control of him or herself.
The practice of mindfulness is about sitting quietly and looking at, sort of speak, the contents of our minds. When stressful life situations come upon us, the situation has the potential to take over our life. Mindfulness is about sitting quietly and being able to see exactly what is in front of us. Without being pulled like taffy- back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Instead we sit still.
Sitting and looking at the stressful events may sound kind of mundane, and may also be experienced as distressing (“But I’m not DOING anything about it!”). However, the experience of being able to sit quietly and look at things as they are can help center us. Ground us in the moment. Give us perspective.
When this happens options open up. We can observe our tendencies to be pulled in certain directions, and we can see where the directions lead us. We can evaluate the pros and cons of actions. We can make decisions from a place of being centered. We can allow for the pain of emotions and the pain of our life situations- and we can bear with it. But unlike taffy, we can pull the sticky stuff of our minds towards a purposeful direction. We can set intentions and have clarity about the path we want to send ourselves down.
Without pulling taffy.
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Living in fast forward
Unnecessary, restless, and agitated energy; difficulty sitting still, feeling a constant need to be “on the go”, fixing things, running around and trying to keep everyone happy- anxiety sometimes gets us to act in a way that perpetuates more distress. Sometimes people feel as if they are not doing something, then things would fall apart. Or maybe they would fall apart. Perhaps, if they were to slow down, they would not feel worthwhile. Thus frenetic action is about trying to feel better. Or different. Or not feel at all. So slowing down is avoided at all costs.
While taking action can bring about a desired result (thus serving an important function), sometimes anxiety loses its usefulness as an emotion. It is too much. It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t help people accomplish goals, it manufactures more chaos, and it leaves people in a dizzy tizzy. Life is lived in fast forward.
Mindfulness is about pausing living one’s life in the here and now. In just this moment. Sometimes when people start to pay attention to this moment, they start to get in touch with all that busy business they are trying to avoid. The slowing down, the feelings within their body, the unpleasant sensations that accompany worries about being valued, being worthwhile, living up to expectations, and failing. And sometimes it hits hard: the tears, the pain, the realization of change or loss.
Yeah, that stuff.
Overwhelming, perhaps at first. But if you take it taken moment by moment, then you can be mindful of what is right in front of you instead of all that is beyond you. And if you take care of the present moment, you will be taking care of the future.
Mindfulness as expanded awareness
Recently I watched the movie 500 Days of Summer. (PS Don’t read this if you haven’t seen it and you don’t want me to spoil the ending).
I thought the movie was not only cleverly made, but it really captured the pain of being attached, sort of speak, to one reality and one outcome. The movie follows the lead character who wants very deeply to be in relationship with the person he believes is “the one.”
At some point in the movie there is a conversation in which the lead character is talking to a girl about a place that they both like to go to. The conversation is with someone other than “the one.” The conversation goes something like this:
Girl: “I think I’ve seen you there.”
Guy: “Really? I haven’t seen you there.”
Girl: “Maybe it’s because you weren’t looking.”
I like this part of the movie because, despite the grief, pain, typical “first love”, and the pining after a desired relationship that doesn’t bring about a desired outcome- somehow in all that chaos there is something about starting to be awake to what the universe has to offer on the universe’s own terms. It is time, sort of speak, to “start looking” at what is not being seen.
When I am in a lot of pain and I am pining after a desired outcome, sometimes I am not looking at what is going on around me. I can’t see it. I can’t pay attention to it. I can’t absorb it. My universe is centered around my distress. It takes a lot of effort to attend to a different way of seeing; a different perspective.
Mindfulness as expanded awareness has to do with looking, and seeing, and opening up one’s eyes to what the universe has to offer.
It’s certainly not always easy.
Victoria Crane on Mindfulness
Victoria Cane’s powerpoint on mindfulness: From Western Michigan University
What is mindfulness?
® mindfulness is awareness, without judgment, of life as it is, yourself as you are, other people as they are, in the here and now, via direct and immediate experience.
® When you are mindful, you are awake to life on its terms – fully alive to each moment as it arrives, as it is, and as it ends.
Using mindfulness to regulate attention
One of applications of mindfulness has to do with focusing attention. When people are emotionally aroused, they become guarded and go into “fight of flight” mode. Their attention becomes pre-occupied with saving face, getting out of a threatening situation, or escaping painful emotions. Attention can be scattered (ie, racing thoughts or rumination) or restricted (perseverating on the threatening person or situation). Attention may be under the control of the threat, as opposed to under the control of the person.
Therefore, the agenda of mindfulness has to do with helping a person control the focus of attention. When attention is under the control of the individual, the person will start to experience himself/herself as having more control over his/her emotions and his/her reactions to situations. Over time, the experience of oneself starts to feel more consistent and less erratic.
Paying attention to what you want to pay attention to can be especially difficult to do, especially under threat. Therefore mindfulness can be rehearsed or practiced when not under threat. Even then, focusing attention can be very hard!
Eugene Gendlin: Focusing
Here is another way of thinking about mindfulness:
“You don’t want to fall into your problems, sink in them, become them. Conversely, you don’t want to run away from them, ignore them, or repress them. Those approaches are usually not fruitful.
There is a third way, a much more useful one. It is the inner act of distancing oneself from what is troubling you but still keeping it before you. You don’t go into the problems. You stand back just a little way- far enough so that the problems no longer feel overwhelming, but close enough so that you can still feel them.
Stand back a few feet from your problems. You can walk up and touch them if you like, sense them there, as though with your fingertips. And you can pull back whenever they begin to get too threatening.”
by Eugene Gendlin, in Focusing, page 72.