Mindfulness
Mindfulness, DBT, extreme emotions, and doing what works:
One of the DBT mindfulness skills includes being effective: Doing what works. Learning how to sit for long periods of time and focus on one thing, such as your breath, can have quite an impact on quieting the mind. However, sitting for long periods of time can be rather difficult for people who are learning how to “be mindful”, and may not be helpful in solving other problems (ie, communicating, reading one’s environment accurately, interpreting behavior).
The persons I tend to treat have difficult with extreme emotion- and sometimes tolerating a single moment can seem like an eternity. The skill of “observing” in mindfulness appears deceptively simple- and yet the actual doing of the observing when it’s needed in real life- as it applies to solving painful problems- is a whole different story.
Observing and describing the cracks on the sidewalk or the ceiling tiles may be a way to be mindful. But here is where it can get tricky:
- It may be an effective way to be present in the moment, to become grounded and connected to what’s going around you, and prevent you from dissociating, “floating off”, or disconnecting.
- It may be a way to distract, avoid, inhibit feeling, occupy the mind, and avoid relationships. If you can become overly focused on things and not people, you can avoid taking emotional risks, connections, and opportunities to address conflict. Noticing a tendency to avoid may be a more effective use of mindful activity.
I’ve been working hard on getting together my free 30 days of mindfulness for my mailing list readers. The approach for learning varies and the agenda includes suggestions for trying new and different things. It’s experiential- which means that you get to participate in the exercises. I’m hoping that it will satisfy those who are looking for ways on how to be mindful as it relates to real life.
All you have to do is click on the upper right side of this blog post where it says Get 7 free steps for sailing through emotional storms when you join my mailing list. Sign up!
The 30 days of mindfulness are going to start February 8, so you will have to sign up before then if you want to be included!
Posted in Mindfulness | 
Tags: Acceptance, balance, Breath, Breathing, Change, Effectiveness, Emotion, Meaning, Mindfulness, Understanding emotion | 
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Practical mindfulness
In graduate school, I took a class on mindfulness.
I did not like it.
I had to sit for an hour at the beginning of each class and focus on my breath.
My butt hurt.
My back hurt.
We did not have chairs.
We were expected to notice the pain and return to the breath. I did this.
My butt still hurt.
My back still hurt.
I struggle to teach my clients a way of being mindful so they “get it”. In other words, apply it to situations that might help them bear pain, become clear and organized, pay attention to what their body is telling them, access important emotional information, and take note of what is actually going on both on the inside and on the outside.
Mindfulness is not easy. Practical mindfulness is being able to use mindfulness in such a way that it makes sense to do so. There is something to be said for the business of being, doing, and experiencing.
Why do we do mindfulness? While I want my clients to be able to return to their breath as a way to find stillness, I am not sure I would want them to sit for an entire hour with hurting butts and backs 
Therefore, I am going to give you tips, instructions, and how-to exercises to help you learn, apply, and experiment with a very wide range of “how to” be mindful. This will be interspersed with teaching points, common problems that come up for people first learning mindfulness, and different ways of thinking about the application of mindfulness. FOR FREE.
How do you get all this? You’ve got to go to the upper right side of this blog post and click where it says Get 7 free steps for sailing through emotional storms when you join my mailing list. Sign up! Then, sometime early in February, you will be given the opportunity to receive one e-mail a day for 30 days that gives you a specific mindfulness exercise, tip, or teaching point. Remember, you have to sign up before February to get in on the freebies.
And, if you’re on my mailing list (and only then) more good stuff just might come your way.
Mindfulness for the holiday season: Christmas and the New Year
December is a time of year in which our sensations can be easily bombarded. It’s easy to get stressed about Christmas shopping, overcrowded malls, travel plans, holiday parties, familial obligations, and in some cases, snowstorms. The practice of being mindful is the intentional practice of focusing attention on one thing. Focused attention calms and settles the mind, and circumvents the rat race of disorganized, divided, and unfocused attention. It is a way to come back to the current moment and show up for everything the moment has to offer.
Here are three different ways of being mindful this holiday season:
Five minutes of breathing:
Sit quietly for five minutes and focus on the rise and fall of your breath. Every time you notice your mind wandering or your attention scattered, bring your attention back to the rise and fall of your breath. This may be a useful exercise to do after driving in bad traffic, being in a crowd, or after coming home from work.
Savor sensation: Take a few moments to take in the entire experience of the following:
- The taste of peppermint. Do you really taste peppermint when you eat it?
- Do you ever notice how the air changes as it grows colder? Try figuring out how the air smells or tastes. I’ve noticed the winter air to be crisp, bitter, biting, heavy, cold, damp, salty, and even woody.
- Pay attention to tastes and smells that you enjoy- in other words, don’t pass them up or take them for granted when you notice them.
Show up for the moment…even if the moment brings pain
Sometimes people experience a great deal of sadness during the holidays: Spending holidays alone, spending a “first” holiday after losing a loved one during the year, or being reminded of recent losses or relationships ruptures.
If sadness is part of your holiday, consider:
- Reflecting on what is important and meaningful
- Allowing yourself to grieve deeply and fully, to cry openly, to acknowledge everything you experience with your heart wide open
- Honor what has been lost
- Be gentle and tender with yourself
Singing, carols, generosity of spirit, pageants, and performances can move people deeply. If joy is part of your holiday
- allow yourself to be moved to tears
- fully experience, absorb, take in, and reflect on what you have
- share with others what you appreciate or love
- allow for the positive
- recognize times in your life in which things have been difficult- and how different they are for you now.
Wishing you a holiday in which your experiences are rich and meaningful- I will be back at my blog posting in 2012!
Posted in Mindfulness | Tags: Christmas, Emotion, grief, Holidays, Joy, Meaning, Mindfulness, Openness, Sensation | No Comments »
An exercise in mindfulness: Thanksgiving turkeys
In my groups, we spend time at the beginning doing some sort of exercise to slow down, pay attention, come into the room, and notice what is going on. Some of these exercises are specifically directed at paying attention to the breath. When breathing is slowed, paced, and regulated, a person has a better tendency to think clearer and become organized. Using the breath to regulate emotion, attention, and physical arousal is a very critical skill that frequently gets forgotten about in the heat of the moment- especially a very emotional moment.
Breathing exercises can sometimes be difficult. If you were to spend five minutes trying to focus just on your breath, you may notice spacing out, thinking about other things, and generally not paying much attention to the physical aspects of your breath. Therefore, breathing exercises may sometimes be paired with counting, walking, or other more concrete methods to help you get in touch- and stay in touch- with your breath.
Here is an exercise that is a tangible way of following the breath- and can easily be taught to young children as a way to self-regulate. Place your hand on a piece of paper and trace around it. Every time you move up to the tip of a finger, inhale. Every time you move down to the crevice between your fingers, exhale. Try to work on slowing down your breath so that it is even and steady. When you are done, start over. Keep g
oing until you notice feeling calmer, slower, steadier, and perhaps more connected. Be gentle and notice any frustration if it doesn’t “work” right away.
One way to do this exercise is to keep tracing and re-tracing back your hand on one piece of paper. Another way to do this exercise is to not use paper and pen at all, but to trace your fingers with your other hand. This method can be used when you are out and about, in a meeting, or (depending on subtly it’s done) even talking to other people.
However, if you trace a new outline on new paper each time, you can start to accumulate several pieces of paper. If you’d like to add a beak and draw in some feathers on your “hands”, you can start to ask yourself: How many turkeys does it take to get calmed down? If you get really good and regulating your emotions by regulating your breath, you may find that over time the number of turkeys it takes will eventually go down.
Posted in Mindfulness | Tags: anxiety, Breath, Breathing, Holidays, Mindfulness, Openness, Stress, Thanksgiving | No Comments »
Autumn mindfulness
This week for mindfulness I am asking my participants to look at a leaf as if they have never seen it before. The instructions include observing the leaf carefully, looking closely at its color, breathing in its earthy leaf-smell, and paying attention to its texture.
The leaves of autumn come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some have bright colors and some have unusual patterns. Some have holes, rips, or tears. Some have started to turn brown and some have black spots on them. Some are wet and slimy and others are brittle and crunchy. Some are visually appealing and some are less appealing to look at.
Mindfulness is about being able to observe what is in front of us, without dismissing or evaluating, without throwing away or ignoring, and without inhibiting or suppressing. Sometimes what we observe is not pleasant. Sometimes we do not like what we observe, or we wish for things to be different. Sometimes we see what others are holding, or observing, or turning over in their palm- and we wish that our leaves were as exciting or pretty.
When we look carefully at the details of an autumn leaf, we start to see things that we haven’t bothered to see. Perhaps we are fascinated by the tiny detail of texture. Perhaps we are struck by the brilliance in color. Perhaps a mottled pattern draws us. Perhaps we notice liking, or not liking, or irritation, or impatience. Perhaps we notice jealousy.
When we can see what is in front of us- reality as it is on its own terms- we can give it our full attention. When we can give it our attention, we can start to get our minds around it. We can go through the necessary- even if painful- steps of what it is going to take to move through it instead of around it. We stop avoiding. We may start to see things not seen before. We increase awareness. We have new information- even if it is clarity about our own emotions.
Look carefully this week at things you don’t want to see. See if you can notice, gently, with willingness and awareness, the things that are easier to ignore or avoid. Allow for this to be.
Posted in Mindfulness | Tags: Acceptance, Autumn, Holidays, Joy, Mindfulness, willingness | Comments Closed
“But I don’t want to do mindfulness”
“Observing” sounds boring. “Noticing” may sound passive, hopeless, or inactive. “Breathing” may not equip you with the ability to say clever and witty things when someone is giving you a lot of grief.
My initial experience with mindfulness was rather isolating- sitting in a class for an hour with my eyes closed and focusing on my breath did not have the same appeal as interacting and participating with the class itself. I’ve noticed a lot of mindfulness is aimed at within-the-skin experiences; noticing breath, body sensations, or experience. There appears to be a lot less “mindfulness” exercises or activities in the literature on mindfulness that is aimed at relationships and interactions.
I’ve had moments in which I want to skip over mindfulness, not do it in my groups, or make it go quickly. When I stop and think about it- often reflecting on my own life and my clients- I often start paying attention to small things that I appreciate, enjoy, or value. Sometimes I simply want to share the everyday things in an everyday way. Sometimes, when I do mindfulness activities with clients, I notice myself worrying about my clients. I also notice that it is harder to do therapy when I am anxious- and do not make the time for accepting, noticing, and allowing.
I’m always struck by how returning to a simple breathing exercise can be so calming and centering. Sometimes I want to avoid it simply because it seems so repetitive, mundane, or obvious; I want to “move on” to something more interesting. Yet again and again I return to breathing quietly. Sometimes I notice worry or impatience. Sometimes I get tearful. Sometimes I feel centered.
All of this I notice, and all of this is my experience. I allow it to be. I accept it fully. I let it orient me to the moment; to the clients in my front of me and the space I share with them.