Archive for July 2010
Mindfulness as expanded awareness
Recently I watched the movie 500 Days of Summer. (PS Don’t read this if you haven’t seen it and you don’t want me to spoil the ending).
I thought the movie was not only cleverly made, but it really captured the pain of being attached, sort of speak, to one reality and one outcome. The movie follows the lead character who wants very deeply to be in relationship with the person he believes is “the one.”
At some point in the movie there is a conversation in which the lead character is talking to a girl about a place that they both like to go to. The conversation is with someone other than “the one.” The conversation goes something like this:
Girl: “I think I’ve seen you there.”
Guy: “Really? I haven’t seen you there.”
Girl: “Maybe it’s because you weren’t looking.”
I like this part of the movie because, despite the grief, pain, typical “first love”, and the pining after a desired relationship that doesn’t bring about a desired outcome- somehow in all that chaos there is something about starting to be awake to what the universe has to offer on the universe’s own terms. It is time, sort of speak, to “start looking” at what is not being seen.
When I am in a lot of pain and I am pining after a desired outcome, sometimes I am not looking at what is going on around me. I can’t see it. I can’t pay attention to it. I can’t absorb it. My universe is centered around my distress. It takes a lot of effort to attend to a different way of seeing; a different perspective.
Mindfulness as expanded awareness has to do with looking, and seeing, and opening up one’s eyes to what the universe has to offer.
It’s certainly not always easy.
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Victoria Crane on Mindfulness
Victoria Cane’s powerpoint on mindfulness: From Western Michigan University
What is mindfulness?
® mindfulness is awareness, without judgment, of life as it is, yourself as you are, other people as they are, in the here and now, via direct and immediate experience.
® When you are mindful, you are awake to life on its terms – fully alive to each moment as it arrives, as it is, and as it ends.
Tags: On Acting Confident
One of the skills for increasing interpersonal effectiveness has to do with our nonverbal behavior. Sometimes when we feel self-conscious or have a hard time making a direct request, we fail to make eye contact, speak softly, stammer, change the subject, become sarcastic, mumble, fidget, shake, rock back and forth, speak in a question mark instead of a statement, become overbearing, or joke about the request.
Acting confident communicates to our audience. Part of acting confident may include making direct eye contact, slowing down speech so that it is clear, sitting up straight and pulling the shoulders back, relaxing one’s face or facial expression, and appearing comfortable. Get in touch with your breathing and see if you can find a sense of steadiness, calm, or centered awareness.
Practicing ahead of time what you might say can be helpful. You may even want to practice in a confident and non-confident posture just to notice the difference. Remember: In order for others to take you seriously, you have to take yourself seriously.
What is an invalidating environment?
From pages 49-50 of Cognitive Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Linehan:
“An invalidating environment is one in which communication of private experiences is met by erratic, inappropriate, and extreme responses. In other words, the expression of private experiences is not validated; instead, it is often punished and/or trivialized. The experience of painful emotions, as well as the factors that to the emotional person seem causally related to the emotional distress, are disregarded. The individual’s interpretations of her own behavior, including the experience of the intents and motivations associated with the behavior, are dismissed.
Invalidation has two primary characteristics. First, it tells the individual that she is wrong in both her description and her analyses of her own experiences, particularly in her views of what is causing her own emotions, beliefs, and actions. Second, it attributes her experiences to socially unacceptable characteristics of personality traits. The environment may insist that the individual feels what she says she does not (“You are angry, but you just won’t admit it”), likes or prefers what she says she does not (the proverbial “When she says no, she means yes”), or has done what she said she did not. Negative emotional expressions may be attributed to traits such as overreactivity, oversensitivity, paranoia, a distorted view of events, or failure to adopt a positive attitude. Behaviors that have unintended negative consequences for others may be attributed to hostile or manipulative motives. Failure, or any deviation from socially defined success, is labeled as resulting from lack of motivation, lack of discipline, not trying hard enough, or the like. Positive emotional expressions, beliefs, and action plans may be similarly invalidated by being attributed to lack of discrimination, naivete, overidealization, or immaturity. In any case, the individual’s private experiences and emotional expressions are not viewed as valid responses to events.”
Using mindfulness to regulate attention
One of applications of mindfulness has to do with focusing attention. When people are emotionally aroused, they become guarded and go into “fight of flight” mode. Their attention becomes pre-occupied with saving face, getting out of a threatening situation, or escaping painful emotions. Attention can be scattered (ie, racing thoughts or rumination) or restricted (perseverating on the threatening person or situation). Attention may be under the control of the threat, as opposed to under the control of the person.
Therefore, the agenda of mindfulness has to do with helping a person control the focus of attention. When attention is under the control of the individual, the person will start to experience himself/herself as having more control over his/her emotions and his/her reactions to situations. Over time, the experience of oneself starts to feel more consistent and less erratic.
Paying attention to what you want to pay attention to can be especially difficult to do, especially under threat. Therefore mindfulness can be rehearsed or practiced when not under threat. Even then, focusing attention can be very hard!