Archive for April 2010
On dialectics: Perspective and truth with the shark and the jellyfish
In the great deep ocean, there was a shark and a jellyfish.
The jelly was made of flotsam and jetsam and floated around in an aimless manner. He was not made of substance and lived mostly at the whim of the currents and waves. He was mostly transparent and extremely shy.
The shark had big pointed teeth and yellowish eyes and would jet through the ocean, eating up the little sea creatures and fishes for dinner. He was bold and daring and liked to think he ruled the Pacific and the Atlantic, the Aegean and Indian the Mediterranean and the Baltic.
One day the shark swam up to the jellyfish and bellowed, “You brainless, spineless, heartless creature!”
The jelly was stung by the mean words of the shark, but the jelly couldn’t think of a single thing to say. In fact, the jelly had to admit, he had no heart, no spine, and no brain. The jelly wanted to sink into the depths of the ocean, never to return, believing in the mean harsh words of the shark.
At the bottom of the ocean the grenadier fish told the jelly “You are known for getting taken advantage of, agreeing with everyone, and not standing up for yourself. You need some perspective.” And the jelly thought of all the things he had seen and heard in the depths the ocean and decided that perspective might be a better idea than blaming himself and feeling bad.
So the jelly, despite having limited control of his direction of float-ability, blobbed himself back to the non nether-regions of the ocean until he saw the shark again. And then he said, “Perhaps it is true that I have a hard time standing up for myself. But it appears to me that you are a mean bully shark and do not have any friends. I have lots of friends. Perhaps life would be better if the mean bully sharks of the ocean stopped trying to get their point across and the jellies of the ocean stopped being completely invisible, then reality could not only be seen more clearly but ocean life would be more bearable.”
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What is mindfulness, again?
I keep coming back to this question, again and again and again, as I look for ways to teach mindfulness so that people get it. So they experience it. So that it has a direct, immediate, and relevant application to their situation. It has a lot to do with “knowing oneself.” It might have something to do with paying attention to what goes on within the skin, as the behaviorists say. It also might have something to do with paying attention to the universe at large, or an expanded awareness. A sense of awe or wonder, a way of being in touch with one’s spirituality, and an ability to reconnect to being disconnected.
The definition on the www.mindfulnet.org website is “Paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment.” The DBT skills are observing, describing, and participating without judgment. There’s also this business about one-mindfully and doing what is effective. Doing what works. Cindy Sanderson has a great little blurb on the applications of mindfulness if you visit www.behavioraltech.org and click on Mindfulness- Learn to practice mindfulness. This awareness stuff has been around forever- ages and generations. Even Dr. Suess was into teaching awareness: (check out the book I can read with my eyes shut).
My goal is to bring people mindfulness in mini-packages, a small portion of the DBT skills group time. The thing I love about mindfulness is that there is a lot of creative ways to get people to pay attention, carefully, on purpose. This awareness business has been around forever. It’s just that it needs to be taught in a way that people can “get.”
Paying attention on purpose
Mindfulness is about putting your attention where you want your attention to be. The thing with awareness is that our attention can be kidnapped, caught up in worries, anxiety-ridden, or simply obsessing over aspects of our experience that are not useful to obsess over.
Paying attention carefully and on purpose is sort of like looking at the blind spots. I can’t see my successes when my attention is pre-occupied with my failures. In fact, at times when people have pointed out the things going well in my life, I have been quick to avert my attention elsewhere and complain more loudly about things going poorly.
Paying attention to the subtle nuances of a spring flower may at first seem like it has nothing to do with my life and my pain. But the simplicity and the amazing potential of nature can in fact pull me into the universe that shares that flower. In the universe there is beauty that presents itself to me. It is complex and bold. It is part of my everyday existence. It is part of my breathing in the universe, of my waking awareness, of new life. In some parts of the world there are no flowers. In my world, there is.
Most of the time, and perhaps like my clients, I can’t see the flower. I can’t appreciate the complexity of botany that I can’t understand. I won’t or don’t get down on eye level in its playing field. I walk past it. I nod and go along. I get back into rumination and worrying. I am stuck in the stuff of my own mind.
Mostly, because I’m simply not paying attention. Carefully. With awareness. And on purpose.
A great resource
I was thinking recently after hearing Jon Kabbat-Zinn talk about mindfulness about the being-here-now business. When I get distressed I feel like I’m here now, but generally my distress is tied to worries worries worries. Most of the time, even though I’m taking steps towards problem solving, the worries get me all bent out of shape. I try to go back to doing what is effective and doing just what is needed in the moment. So many times when someone is doing mindfulness with me, that grounded-ness business happens a bit easier. When I’m alone, well, that’s a bit more difficult.
So I’ve recently discovered a credible little website that gives “instant mindfulness.” It’s got some creative little resources and a lot of energy behind it. Check out www.dbtselfhelp.com. You’d be surprised what the folks to get through DBT can turn around and give right back.